


Honor

by Haberdasher



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Depression, Endgame, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infinity Gauntlet, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, References to Depression, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice, Suicide, Ultimate Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 15:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haberdasher/pseuds/Haberdasher
Summary: During the aftermath of the final battle with Thanos, Thor makes a decision about what path he should follow next.





	Honor

**Author's Note:**

> This is an Endgame-based fic; major Endgame spoilers lie ahead. If you haven’t seen Endgame, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

Thor wasn’t the one to ease the makeshift gauntlet off of Tony’s arm after the battle was done, after  _Tony_  was done. Thor wasn’t close enough to Tony for that, either physically or emotionally. Tony was a friend of Thor’s--a friend from work, he supposed, the same words that Thor had once used to describe another fellow Avenger when their paths happened to cross--but that was all.

Thor stood in the background and watched as those who knew Tony better, who would feel his absence much more strongly than Thor ever would, took over. Thor didn’t help move Tony’s body, didn’t participate in the discussion of funeral arrangements, but he still overheard as others made plans for the gauntlet itself, plans to return the Infinity Stones to their rightful place in the timeline.

Thor couldn’t help but mentally compare Tony’s story, Tony’s actions, to his own. Technically, both of them had killed Thanos, but Tony was the only one who deserved real credit for it, though Thor’s drunken self had tried to milk his belated kill for all it was worth once before. The similarities between the two, though, ended there.

Tony had spent the five years after the Decimation building a life for himself, building a family for himself, moving on and making the most of things in a damaged but all-too-real world.

Thor had spent the five years after the Decimation depressed and alcoholic, hiding from his own people when they needed a leader the most, wallowing in grief and guilt and self-hatred, refusing to even speak or hear the name of the one who had caused the world (including but certainly not limited to Thor himself) such immense pain.

Thor hadn’t even agreed to join the plan to fix things, to prevent the damage that Thanos had caused, until he was promised access to alcohol along the way.

He was in a sorry state, wasn’t he?

And to think, five years ago he had thought that he was ready to lead his people to their new life in Midgard, on Earth. He had lost an eye like his father before him, and what he had lost in literal vision he thought he had regained in metaphorical vision, ready to guide his people to a new life in a new home.

Thor knew better now, though. He had his missing eye back, and with it he could see reality that much more clearly.

He didn’t deserve to be the king of Asgard, not when he had failed both Asgard and the rest of the world by not taking out Thanos when it mattered most, by only succeeding in carrying out that kill when it was too late for Thanos’ death to make any real difference.

Valkyrie had been in a state not unlike Thor’s own for some time, drinking to numb the pain of losses that could never be reversed, but when New Asgard was grieving she had done worlds more for them than Thor had. As a plan for how to make things right was starting to fit together in Thor’s head, he went to Valkyrie and told her that she was the one who deserved to lead the people of New Asgard now, that he would be leaving and handing over his reign to her. She seemed surprised, but Thor knew it was right, Thor knew it was the best move he could make given the circumstances.

After that conversation, as a vast number of mourners prepared for Tony’s funeral, ready to pay their respects to a hero who had given his life to save the rest of the universe from obliteration, Thor tried his best to avoid attention as he sneaked off to carry out his latest plan. He wasn’t a fan of sneaking around--that was generally the modus operandi of his brother, the  _other_  person whose name Thor had refused to say or hear for five years and counting, not the modus operandi of Thor himself--but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Security was surprisingly lax around the Infinity Stones and the Iron Man gauntlet that now held them, given that they could do, well, just about anything, but Thor supposed that people had other things on their mind as Tony’s funeral drew near, and that people had assumed nobody would dare to touch the gauntlet now that the world had seen the toll it took on its user.

The gauntlet didn’t quite fit Thor, pinching in several places as Thor eased his hand inside it, a reminder that the gauntlet had been made to fit a hand that wasn’t Thor’s own. But he wasn’t going to let a small detail like that stop him.

As Thor prepared to do what he had set out to do, he pictured in his mind’s eye the face of Pepper and Morgan Stark as they had watched Tony die. Pepper had been better at putting on a brave face than Morgan, but then, Pepper had had years of experience in doing so. Being close to Tony Stark required a level of bravery in and of itself, Thor supposed.

Tony Stark had a family that would miss him for the rest of their lives. Thor couldn’t say the same about himself.

Tony wasn’t the only one Thor had set out to save, though. There were other losses that could be reversed, other losses that deserved to be reversed. Half the people of Asgard, slaughtered by Thanos and his troops on their way to their new home on Earth. Heimdall, who had died as he had lived, an honorable man doing his best to serve the people of Asgard.

And Loki, whose death wasn’t quite so honorable, but who was worth saving just the same.

Thor wondered if Loki would mourn for him. It was a strange concept, Loki grieving over Thor, or Loki grieving in general, really. Loki certainly hadn’t seemed especially distraught over the death of either of their parents. Admittedly, Loki’s relationship with their parents had been... complicated, even more so than Thor’s own. But Thor supposed that his relationship with Loki could well be described as complicated, too.

Thor had mourned Loki, though. Thor had grieved for his brother more than once, in fact, had anguished for some time over deaths both real and false. Perhaps it was only fitting that Loki would now get to learn how grieving for one’s brother feels.

Thor had theorized before that he would be able to handle the power of the Infinity Stones better than the other Avengers because he was an Asgardian, because lightning coursed through his veins, but after Thor snapped his fingers, as a sharp and overwhelming pain surged from his hand and through his arm into his entire being, Thor was pretty sure that none of that made a difference. Thor was feeling the same pain as Tony had felt when he had saved the world, and Thor was going to die the same way that Tony had, sacrificing himself for the sake of the greater good.

Thor could think of no higher honor.


End file.
